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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip now and then would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?